For J (Part One)

Regardless of the wishes I whisper in my heart,
Despite the reality that is waiting to drop down hard,
I yearn to tell you what I truly feel inside—
Even though I know to do so will leave me open
To the cruelties life can tear into unguarded walls.

I am strong, firm and annoying, factual know-it-all.
A mixture of careless laughter and growling frowns.
I speak of vulnerable fears and share the shading doubts
Yet, seldom seen are my inner terrors released and unadorned.
Entwining fears dance upon my indomitable will, teasingly chanting:
No, no you never will. You can hope but it won’t be real.

For you, I cut past the fearful web of taunts,
Part my soaring barriers to the vulnerable part…
Afraid to fall deeper into an ocean of emotions
That may live, breathe and exist in rosy dream light.
For you, even as I tremble inside, I take a chance and write.

Dangerously easy to fall into you,
It’s been like that from the very start.
Your presence soothes my wounded soul
Disbanding weighted tensions with not a word.
Bring to life, an innocent childlike faith of trust:
With you lies a haven of peace like a blessing, divine.

You are quicksilver chaos, a mass of artful romanticism,
A countless list of harping hates, ruthlessly hidden inner conflicts,
Your charismatic fire blazes brightly in all your friends’ lives
Sharing, regaling, entertaining, informing, conforming from the Pulpit’s ire
As you hold your battered, longing heart prisoner from betrayal’s blazing fires.

In you I see a man of strength, numerous talents, wickedly sharp wit,
Whose fear is covered in relentless activities, leaving barely a second to reflect.
Your delusions, illusions, tantalizing tenderness, breathtaking fierce passions,
Finely honed noble traits intertwined with stark flaws that do not relent—
Make one uniquely complicated man who could hold my heart in his hands.

I treasure all that you let me see and share of yourself with me.
I hold dear the seamless peace that I feel in your company.
I hope that your dreams will find grace in spacious flight, so free.
I fear the emptiness I’d gain if our friendship falls astray.
I wish, perhaps in vain, for love to be real rather than a fading dream.

I lost count of how many times I told myself not to care.
That it’s wrong for me to want someone who’s half of a pair.
I’ve longed for you for so long and didn’t dare to push
The attraction that pulses in ebbing waves upon touch…
That made our friendship closer in more ways than one.

Regardless of the wishes I whisper in my heart,
Despite the reality that is waiting to drop down hard,
I yearn to tell you what I truly feel inside—
Even though our time together was hidden out in plain sight,
I will never forget the gentleness of your touch,
How happy I was to be with you, someone I love.

Written:  2/17/2007 ~ 0120
It doesn’t matter if it was written several years ago. It’s still true today. A part of a singular history and more memories than I will ever be able to count. ~ Link to For J (Part Two)


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